I am so tired. Today I taught, but didn’t teach. I had the 3D printer lab guys come in, to talk to the students about what’s up in 3D printing. Then I taught, really taught, Beginning Drawing. I told the student about my fears on the trip. How I understood them better now, as I was in a printing class doing techniques I really knew nothing about, some of which I had never heard of. While the other students knew print making, I was a beginner in a major way.
My biggest fear on the trip, was not being out of the US while being unable to speak the language, or being robbed,or drinking the wrong water, or any of the other terrible things people warned me about. No it was “fear of paper”. Fear of paper is real, this blank 48 x 50 inch paper, worth $6, with all its empty whiteness just about killed me. More on that later.
I talked to the class about a drawing I am trying to make of the old woman at the bus stop that helped me, laughing sweetly the whole time. I was a lost kid. How do I go about drawing from memory a face, etched in my mine but not on paper, nor did I take a camera picture of her. I wanted to, but wondered if I would have been rude to do so. It was such a beautiful momment. It reminded me of a Jordanian man telling me, we should remember in our mind, how the air moved, what that minute smelled like, and what one felt, rather than taking a picture. So I didn’t steal part of her soul with my camera. I will draw her from memory. If I can.
I keep thinking about the continuious change the world goes through. I read several articles on the up coming presidential election. I can not believe Trump has gotten this far. Maybe we could just put a wall around Trump, to keep us safe.
I kept thinking all day, what a short trip I had in Mexico, but how happy and greatful I am for having gone. When I was 18, in college, there was this guy, I thought I loved. We talked of going to Mexico. We plan it, atleast I thought we had. So I quit my jobs, gave up my apartment and was ready to go. I went to his room and he was gone. No note, no good bye. I was lost, shocked, I walked to a poetry reading and Philosphical discussion, on the meaning and question of jealousy at a book store, given by a group called the Shelly Poets. I do not know why I went, nor do I know why they have decided on this topic. I think I needed to fill in space right then, and it was next door.
There were other times I wanted to go to Mexico, but could not. This time I went, but a week was way to short. One reason I wanted to go, I would not be traveling alone. I would be with a group. I am a single person in the world, and wonder, if its possible to decided anything when people are involved.
This was my room in Mexico.
This was the lizzard outside my window, please note, I was on the 3rd floor and it was in a tree.
And for now good night as I slip once again into a benydrl sleep.